Dialogue

Right hand: Why have we been here so long! I hurt, I have to let go.
Left Hand: Hang on my friend, don't give up. It will get better.
Right Hand: What do you mean? I see no end to this, we've hung here for ever and no help is coming.
Left Hand: Help will come. Help always comes.
Right hand: You can't know that, you don't know how tired I am or how much it hurts.
Left Hand: I do, it will come and I know how it hurts, I'm hanging on too. Just hold on!
Right Hand: I can't, I can't hang on anymore. There is no point.
Left hand: You can! You must! I have hung on as long as you and it isn't as hard anymore, the pain is dyeing away. Think of when it's over and what a relief that will be. Let that be your hope.
Right Hand: Hope? We've been here for what seems forever. Maybe your hope makes it easier but I can't hold on anymore, I can't.
Left Hand: If you let go I'll have to hold the weight for both of us, if you let go I'll be in this alone.
Right Hand: I can't help that, I can't help you... I just have to let go. Just for a moment. I'm tired and I hurt, I will break if I don't let go. If I don't give up.
Left Hand: Please think about what that will do to me. Think about what that means for the rest of our body.
Right Hand: How can I. They don't feel this pain, they don't know this ache and this fear and this exhaustion.
Left hand: Yes, they do. I do. But if you won't see it there is no point in arguing. I can't make you understand or hold on.
Right Hand: That's right, you can't.
Left Hand: Then let go. I hope it helps.
Right Hand: It will, I know it.
Left Hand: I know you think it will, I hope for you sake it does. Goodbye.

Where have all the cowboys gone...

I would say I traditionally identify myself with the 'Alternative' culture most of the predominant cultures I am presented with. I primarily listen to alternative music and I tend to participate in activities that would be associated with the culture. I am politically liberal/independent which is the norm for the alternative people group and I am also a mostly independent person which is typical of the group too. However, lately I have been finding myself really attracted to the 'Country' culture and lifestyle lately. Not the music as much but what is reflected in it's music. I have found myself attracted to the themes, clothes, the pastimes and other parts of the culture.

In that culture there is a strong sense of men and women that is appealing to me. You might find that in conflict with my strong advocacy for equal rights and distaste for sexism but I really don't think it is. It's more of an embracing of the two for what they are, not melding them together and not saying one is better than the other. There is something so beautiful about how women are portrayed as beautiful and delicate in country music and how men are portrayed as strong and loyal. There is a celebrating of the relationships that happen between men and women. This is in such contrast to the way men and women and their relationships get portrayed in the alternative culture. Within the alternative culture there is more focus on the disappointments of relationships and the erasing of the distinctions between men and women except where it comes to sexuality or domination of one over the other.

I find the fierce supporting of ones ideals and beliefs attractive too. That's not to say that I agree with all of the ideals and beliefs that would be typically attributed to the country culture, however I like the way the group seems to come together on the issues and stand up for them. Within the alternative culture there seems to be such an apathy present. Occasionally a political voice is raised but it is usually in a subversive and rebellious way. I usually agree with the causes that do get presented but I struggle with the underling motivation. There is a push to get involved out of rebellion rather than out of duty and solidarity. This allows for the group that tend toward apathy to see that as a way to get back at the man rather than seeing apathy as laziness.

Also, although I don't really care to watch livestock run around or line up and dance in step with my friends I do like that there is a sense of community and connection that is so much more prevalent at these events than at a Show at a bar or a Concert. When we go to shows or concerts we all stand alone side by side, not talking, not participating, not connecting. We may share in the enjoyment of the music but fundamentally we are still alone.

I don't plan to start attending rodeos or plastering my house with the flag. I don't plan to start listening to KBOOT or start line dancing but I am considering wearing pretty white dresses with coy boots, investing more time in agriculture and figuring out ways to connect with the people around me. I also want to rejoice more in the ideals of family, that I love my husband and want to stay with him forever and get excited when I feel like a woman.

Fall

I love fall. It's beautiful but also very cold.

Things are going well. Actually it's been hard to know what to update because nothing that dramatic has happened lately. I guess that's good. : )

I'm excited that the holidays are coming up although I may not enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner as much as usual.