Books and other information.

There are tons of books out there on baby rearing philosophies. There are even more websites. I just about made myself crazy trying to learn what I am 'supposed' to do with Elanor now that she is here. After many conversations and LOTS of research I have come up with what I think is best for Elanor and thought I'd pass it along. I'm no doctor so I'm not directing anyone on how to take care of their kids, but this is what I've gleaned from my research.

The first 6 weeks.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. The baby is too little to learn 'habits' and is just learning to trust you. If you want to 'work' on anything just be sure you are giving the baby full feedings at each feeding. This isn't so much to 'teach' the baby as it is to give you the maximum break between feedings because if the baby is fuller they will wait longer until the next feeding. Also, if the baby seems tired (yawning, disinterested, fussy, etc..) let them sleep. Again, you aren't really teaching the baby anything yet, it's more that you don't want the baby to get over tired because that can make them even more fussy and it's hard on you to have to soothe them when they are in that state.

During this time 2 useful tools I found were the "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and "Dunstin Baby Language".
Key points from THBOTB are the 5 S's:
Swaddle your baby.
Side or stomach hold them.
Sway them (rock, swing, burp)
"Shhh" in their ear as loud as they are crying. Use white noise.
Suction is soothing so use a pacifier, finger or nurse
Key points from DBL are the 5 baby words:
Neh - I'm hungry
Ow - I'm sleepy
Eh - I've got to burp
Eair or Air - I've got to pass gas
Hah - I'm hot, cold or otherwise uncomfortable.

These two 'methods' allowed me to learn a about what Elanor liked for soothing and what she actually needed. I was feeding when she needed burping and added white noise, both these things helped a lot with her.

I did start my logs during this time of eating times, diaper contents, awake/sleep times and other notes just so I could notice trends and be more honest with myself about what I was experiencing. This is helpful for me mostly as I can see when she is going through growth periods and I can also see if it really is that she's been eating 'all day' or just added one feeding.

6 weeks to 3 months
Start working on Nap and Night Time routines. We wrote ours down and as soon as she yawns we put it to play. She sleeps a lot but this is good for her according to "healthy sleep habits, happy child". (Let me say this is a great book and highly recommended by friends, doctors and nurses I've spoken with.) One of the key points in this book is sleep begets sleep so don't let your child get over tired. Ways to help with this are to establish routines, respond quickly to sleep queues, be consistent and sometimes you have to let a baby fuss to get them to sleep.

more later...

Breastfeeding

We made the decision to breastfeed Elanor. It's the hip thing to do and there are many benefits, it's good for her, it's portable and free, it's good for me and it's bonding. It's also an interesting commitment and another layer of 'things to worry about' when having a child. I didn't realize how touchy a thing like 'milk supply' could be. I can't really complain because I've had a good experience compared to some of the Mommy's I know but I will share my thoughts none-the-less.

My milk came in quick and I was engorged for about 3 days. During this time I massaged in the shower, worried about clogged ducts, slept with washcloths in my bra, during the day I put cabbage leaves in my bra... it was very interesting. I also pumped a TON of milk for storage. I was therefore certain that 'milk supply' would not be and issue for me. WRONG.

I started trying to 'schedule' my daughters feedings within the first two weeks of her life because I wanted to be "babywise". I can't blame the book, I think I applied my normal perfectionist tendencies to the process and tried to focus to much on time and not enough on full feedings. What ended up happening is my milk supply dropped sharply after a few days of doing this. It was such a shock when I realized that I wasn't able to give Elanor full feedings. She survived and was still gaining but it took a lot more effort all of the sudden.

I got a couple tips from my Lactation Consultant that really helped. First, I started taking an herbal blend that boosts milk supply. I took the liquid form they have at Whole Foods and that worked great. However, it's a bit of a pain because you can't drink for 20 minutes before or after and I am a constant drinker. Because of this I started taking the herbal capsules and that works well too. It's not as immediate and profound but it's easier and still effective. I ran out this week and noticed a difference during the gap.

I also let Elanor feed more often and 'pacify' at the breast. That helped. I pumped a couple times a day (usually I only do this after the morning feed). I also pump both sides at the same time because it's supposed to help stimulate the milk production hormones with more intensity.

I feel like things are good and steady now but it's always on my mind.

Oh, and then there's food and drink. I was SO looking forward to being able to drink again after Elanor was born, even if it was only a glass or two it would have been a nice freedom. Unfortunately anything more than one glass and she gets cranky. I don't even like to 'pump and dump' because there is nothing that is worth going into the evening with a cranky Elanor so it's not worth the potential that the next feed will still be tainted.

Also, she is sensitive to milk and something else I haven't figured out yet. I feel awful that I've broken out her face twice due to my milk consumption. Also, there is something in my diet giving her gas at night that I'm not sure about. I think it has to be one of the vitamins I'm taking because it's the only consistent but I don't know for sure yet.

I just have to say THANK GOD she doesn't seem to have an issue with coffee!!!

All in all I'm glad we decided to breastfeed and I would really like to make it at least 6 months. Sometimes it's hard but I am glad we decided to do it.

Processing

I realize that I write about a lot of difficult or frustrating things here. I do that because I'm a verbal (written or spoken) processor and this helps me work out what gets stuck in my craw. I wanted to take a moment therefor to write about a few of the great things in my life.

I love having a daughter. She is sweet and beautiful and the littlest things she does make my heart happy. She is smart and strong and happy which I don't take for granted. I am so blessed by her. I'm thrilled that she is gaining weight well (already 12 lbs) and is healthy.

I'm also blessed that Erik is my husband. He has been very supportive. We both have to adjust to make this work and he is always open to talk about how that is going for him and to be honest with me about his challenges and struggles. He also listens to mine and boy, can I go on. He will take some difficult shifts for me when I'm tired which is a big help. I also love how much he lover Elanor. He has a way with her that is very special.

I also have so many other wonderful people in my life. Erik and I were talking about our 'church' and how it may not have walls or meet on Sunday but we definitely have a church of friends and family who support and love us.

That brings me to what I am most thankful for and that is my Father. God is an awesome God and I have so much peace knowing that all is in his hands. Erik and I are contemplating our future and it is with the full knowledge that we are blessed and have a stable foundation in Christ. I know that my daughter is loved by God and that gives me strength and peace knowing that He can do more for her than I ever could. I'm blessed by knowing Him every day.

I could go on about how blessed we are to have this house, live in America, have plenty of food, and so on but I will just say this... We have all we need and want and I am grateful everyday for it all.

Postpartum

I was not prepared for how hard postpartum would be. I had heard of the baby blues and of postpartum depression but I didn't expect it to be like it was for me. I was a MESS. For the first few days home I would cry all the time at the feelings of guilt and shame I felt for no apparent reason. I felt at a loss for the 'right' way to take care of Elanor and searching online made it SO much worse. I would stew and dwell over the details of how best to take care of her. I would get so confused and worked up that I had to have one of my best friends Alanna, who is a mother, talk me down multiple times. To top it off at night around 7PM I would go through only what I can think of as Hells Vortex. It was an hour or so of pure emotional torture over nothing. Erik and I would sit and pray through it. It was horrible.

Also, I could see how people go psycho after pregnancy. I had some strange thoughts that I swear would come from nowhere and mess with my head.

After about two weeks of constant crying and fear I called the Dr. again. The first time she said what I was going through was normal and to stop reading online. The second time we discussed Antidepressants. I talked with Erik about this and he said he thought it was a good idea. As I was in NO place to make a rational decision I trusted Erik's judgment and started on Zoloft. I'm serious when I say within hours I felt different. I felt like all of the sudden I could make a rational thought again and that we would survive this. I actually relaxed... praise God. I'm SO glad I listened to Erik. I thought about going off them almost right away thinking "maybe it was just that my hormones had peaked and it was over" but Erik rightly suggested I stay on.

I stayed at half a dose for almost 4 weeks before just this last week I started to go through some of the same feelings again. I had been considering weaning off but instead I started taking a full dose. There aren't really any negative side effects other than I think it effects my milk supply a but but I have this great elixir that helps with that (more on milk issues later). Also, I'm not supposed to drink while taking it which, if you know me, is a bummer... however, it really is better while I'm breast feeding not to drink anyway. (Duh, I know, but you can have 1 or 2 and it's no biggie.)

Now I know if we have another I will start Zoloft before my due date just to be ready. Also, I now have a different perspective on how to better 'be there' for my friends who have just delivered and how they might feel. I will now do more to go over and help or call to talk through that time. I'm grateful for my friends and family who talked with me and prayed with me during this time. I don't know what I would have done without them.

Having a baby

There is SO much I've learned about having a baby... I thought I would right some of it down before I forgot it all... like they say you do.

First off, I was surprised at how freaked out I was before going to the hospital. The night/morning before I was VERY tense and anxious. I freaked out and cried. I was so scared about the unknown. I'm grateful for Erik who comforted me. As it turns out it wasn't so bad. I choose ahead of time that I was o.k. with drugs so when my contractions got to the point where I couldn't get thru them silently and with ease I asked for the epidural. That made a huge difference in the whole day. The pushing was rough and it hurt. I wanted to give up and for the pain to stop. However, the instant it's over... it's over. You realize you got through it and you're back on drugs again. I know some folks don't approve of drugs during child birth but I think they are wonderful and am grateful that I gave birth in a time where they were an option. However, I'm not sure I would be induced a second time. I will get to my emotional state after birth in a bit but let me just say there are some who believe pitocin increases the hormone swing after birth and it that is part of what I went thru it wasn't worth it.

I was really surprised at how much I ended up LOVING being in the hospital. I could have stayed in that room for 2 weeks. The nurses at Adventist are amazing and I loved the attention and support we got. Leaving was so much harder than I thought it would be and I cried every time I thought about it for days after...

Oh, got to go feed the baby...

Tradition

This years ugly ornament.

Not much to write about

I haven't had much to write about... that or maybe I'm just not in the mood. Either way life has been good. Elanor is moving around all the time in my belly. I don't know why but I didn't realize that would be the case, the constant movement. It's weird and wonderful. I realized just yesterday that I've been thinking of her in terms of the ultrasound picture and not a flesh and blood thing. All of the sudden she now has flesh and hair when I think of her inside and isn't gray and snowy. Weird.

My sister and her wonderful hubby are moving to Portland soon. They biked down the PCH toward home (OC California). Here is a blog of their journey. They are very adventurous people!

http://www.noimposedlimits.blogspot.com/

Help me understand

So, I watched the Presidential debate and was struck by a concept I didn't understand 4 years ago and I still don't now: that is to watch which way the 'political wind' is blowing (aka waffling) is bad.

Maybe I'm just missing something.

To me it seems having political leaders who look to the American public to see what they are wanting and moving toward would reflect a desire to do the will of the people. However, I get the impression this is seen as weak and pandering. Is this because it shows strength to be unmovable in ones resolve? Is it still strength when the majority of your constituents disagree with your viewpoint?

Now, I'm not saying that I think Kerry or Obama have a history of waffling... I'm just saying I don't understand why if they changed their mind on something, that would be a bad thing.

Maybe you can help me understand?

Ireland Videos

I know this is old news but I uploaded some videos of our Ireland trip:

You should be able to see them here.